Natty’s birth story
date: 20/5/2021
location: homebirth
Care provider: louise david private midwife
I sit in the garden staring at baby Willow. Now teething, I see him learn to digest the intense sensations . It sparks within me, the now fading memory of his birth.
Here in the presence I share with you the story that started 6 seasons ago.
It was February 2020, My partner and I were at home, staring into each other’s eyes. He said to me the night before “You are the perfect partner” - yet the one thing he wanted most, I supposedly didn’t … a baby. This irritated me, like a mozzie bite. I began an inward journey to question why, why did I create this belief & value around not wanting to contribute to the future or build a family … was this a truth for me or a fear that I had built up a story around to protect myself?
This thought train traversed my head coming to all sorts of vistas & stops. After much self consoling I realised … Hang on! I DID want a child, with HIM & now was the time.
Knowing that I had been through many traumatic adventures in my life - I decided to take a course of acupuncture to align my body to be in the best balance to create a home for this new being. We consciously worked on creating this being when the moon cycled. (I had fears rise during this time as I was coming into my 38th year of adulting & society rumours around made me anxious about my ability) … Nonetheless we flowed into pregnancy with grace.
I was super anxious & yet equally excited - which soon turned into sadness as a few weeks past & I began to bleed horrifically for 72hrs. The sensations began to feel similar to ectopic pregnancy pains & here I informed myself “this is going to be an early birth” - I went to the loo & out came what looked like some sort of matter. I photographed it, sent to me gp mother who announced - “yes you had a period darling, sorry.”
I grieved, as did my partner … Stepping up, I decided to cleanse my body to try again … weeks past & no period ? My breasts hurt & then one Monday morning my belly popped out. Here I decided it was time to see a doctor & get scanned … he promptly came back saying, “There is a heart beat and you are 6 weeks pregnant.” Thrilled, I shared the news with my beloved.
Aware that birthing is totally natural & a sacred rite of passage for a woman, home is a safe space my beloved built & being born at home myself, I decided we would birth at home. I called Louise David, to be our midwife. We decided to proceed with 100% natural birthing with no interventions; as a woman’s body is what I now understand, is phenomenal. A friend told us to watch “BirthTime” a fantastic documentary & another booked me into the Shamanic Dimensions Of Pregnancy; to support my processing of what was to come. Jane Hardwick Collings; creative genius dissolved all fears around birthing which proved invaluable in labour.
Pregnancy felt forever. I was prepared at 38 weeks. I had finished work bulbous & tired. At 41 weeks I was still pregnant. Then late Sunday night I felt my first contraction. Super happy, as I’d been passing time weaving as a meditation. Time changed. Excited, I had no idea what I was truly in for. Contractions went on … once every hour till 7:30 am …. Then nothing … I wrote to Louise sharing the news & she said, “ok - let's see.” Water began to seep from my womb … I asked if she could come round to check on me. All was in order. Contractions didn’t advance that day & by Tuesday the water had stopped leaking. Contractions continued every 10mins for 40 mins then off for an hour … I became unsure how to pass time here, we began gardening, a friend came round to give acupuncture, another to give a foot massage. No advance. Wednesday rocked around & finally contractions became 3-4 mins with 2-3 gaps. Louise came round as thought this is it. By 10:30am I was in the birth pool. Becoming more nervous of what was to come, I dropped more into my breath. The sensations now becoming unbearable, a lifetime of unresolved soul fears creeped into my vision. Processing, breathing … then nothing - it all stopped. This happened 2 more times that day & by 8pm I felt defeated. I was sure I couldn’t go on. Louise suggested we all rest & see how things pan out in a few hours. We went to bed. Moments after I relaxed, intense communications with baby Willow began; he needed to straighten his neck to enable his decent into the world. I spoke to him & he responded with huge movements & my body shifted gears. The contractions made me want to scream yet I had no power to waste. They continued until I had to leave the bed & began pacing through the house. My legs gave way & I found myself in the birth room where over 3 contraction gushes of water released. Back in the pool, I visualised him birthing. My beloved supported counting my breath, I released & let go. Here we felt the head & whoosh, like a third time mama (Louise’s words) little Willow emerged from the water into my arms. Stoked & humorous to the size of his head … we cradled baby Willow. I got out of the pool, birthing the placenta - which now felt like nothing. I was amazed it was “over” as it felt impossible moments before. Joyous yet concerned we had to shift gears & head to ER. Willow had an interesting breathing style. Tired & inexperienced we followed some protocols & within 5 days were home as a family unit. Louise continued her care with us for the following 6 weeks. The joy of motherhood is dynamic & I thank all my yogic teachings. No two days the same & the lessons this little man shows me allows me to sit here in the garden in bliss.
